Bingeing to deal with emotions

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So things have been challenging of late.  At work and at home with the twins, life has just been more difficult than I would like it be!  Well we can’t always have what we want, but we can push ourselves in the better direction.  Lately though with energy and will power reserves running low, it has felt near impossible.

The last two days of eating (missing a photo of a bag from Wendy’s with a Baconator and Cheesy Cheddar Burger.

IMG_6416 IMG_6414 IMG_6413 IMG_6411

 

I am not proud of this, but I do need to own.  My tendency lately in the FAT project has been to not post my so-called indiscretions.  However since I still take a photo of everything that abandons my original principles.

Here is to a better day tomorrow.

 

Yes it is a disease

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The day I started the FAT Project, was the day Obesity was declared a disease in Canada (October 9, 2015) – this was entirely coincidental!

Whenever I talk about obesity as a disease I tend to get a skeptical look.  They don’t buy it.  They think it is all will power or calories in/calories out.  Usually these people haven’t struggled with weight or have found it easy to control.

I am told that people will use ‘the disease’ thing as an excuse for being fat.  Okay, so what if they do?  4 decades of shaming and dieting in our obesogenic world have led to a more obese world.  It is time to try a different approach.  By understanding my struggle as a disease:

Disease: a disorder of structure or function in a human especially one that produces specific signs or symptoms and is not simply a direct result of physical injury.

Is Anorexia a disease?  Mental Health? Is drug addiction a disease?  Obesity is complex, multi-factorial and needs a variety of treatment types.  Recognizing this empowers me to seek a multitude of treatments and in fact acknowledges that most likely a treatment of less calories and more activity will fail for the vast majority of people who suffer from obesity.

https://m.medicalxpress.com/news/2017-04-obesity-character-flaw-expert.html?utm_content=buffer96ea3&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

The disease is NOT my fault.  It is not my fault I am obese.

It is however my responsibility to seek treatment for my illness.  And that is the essense of the FAT Project.

Food I didn’t post Your guide to a cool summer street look

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I was hyper vigilant the first year about posting everything I ate.  This helped me publicly deal with everything involved in the Project.  I then moved into a phase where if I ate something that was not super healthy I would delay posting it and sometimes that would go on for two weeks.

Curiously I kept and keep taking photos of 99.5% of everything I eat. It is a check on myself and provides me some reflective time to decide whether I truly should eat it!

This gallery is of food I never posted on Instagram.  I want it preserved as part of the project and off  my phone!!

 

I am fat because of my emotions (how I handle my emotions)

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Specifically the way I have dealt with them for 37 years of my life. I have talked a little before that I recognized that I use food as a coping mechanism. I have been aware of that or a long time. What has become clearer during the FAT Project is that I also use food as an emotional regulator and I’ve had the realization on how tightly food and feelings are wrapped up together like stuffed chicken breast.

I can’t unpack it very well.  Any hint of trouble on the horizon emotionally or stresses from every day life and I reach for food. This is also less a quality issue and more a quantity of the food.  When my stomach fills, I feel like it gives me the power to take on whatever is the matter.

This is the kind of thing that can’t change overnight.  It is why this is a three year journey just for the first phase of weightloss and activity.  This will be my hardest life battle and it will never be over (wow that is exhausting to think about!!).