It’s the 12th of December

And ten days until my 39th birthday.  I have been having such a hard time not using food to cope with life.  I have binged almost every day for the last two weeks. From late night popcorn and peanut butter sandwiches to two bagels in the morning – it has been a rollercoaster and I feel out of control. This all makes me gain weight at about a 1 pound every three days.  I don’t have a working scale so I can’t check yet.

Let’s start again today.  I have always liked numbers and 12/12 is a nice one. Let’s raise my consciousness to be focused on what I consume instead of letting habits and nerves guide me. Let’s take each day one day at a time, instead of ignoring my feelings, confront why I want to stuff my face.  What is it giving me, what am I getting from it?  I am more self aware of these things than I have ever been and I even thought I was over these binge times……but I am not.  The only thing that I can feel good about here is that at least I am dealing with it and not waiting until I weigh 400+ lbs again.

All in all it just sucks that I have gained weight and am in these depths related to food.  My overall mood is great.  Work is going swimmingly, and we have a good routine wrt to the commute and the family.  We feel settled in Oakville and are enjoying the activities with family and the kid’s school.

Life is hard sometimes, you just can’t eat a donut everyday though. Onward and upward.

Today’s menu:

Homemade banana strawberry smoothie

1 Tbsp Flax
1 Tbsp Chia Seeds
1.5 scoop chocolate protein powder
1 Tbsp Cocoa
1 Tbsp Espresso
1 cup water
2 Tbsp plain yogurt
1/2 frozen banana
1/2 cup frozen strawberries

XL Coffee with 1 cream from McDonalds