Food I didn’t post

I was hyper vigilant the first year about posting everything I ate.  This helped me publicly deal with everything involved in the Project.  I then moved into a phase where if I ate something that was not super healthy I would delay posting it and sometimes that would go on for two weeks.

Curiously I kept and keep taking photos of 99.5% of everything I eat. It is a check on myself and provides me some reflective time to decide whether I truly should eat it!

This gallery is of food I never posted on Instagram.  I want it preserved as part of the project and off  my phone!!


I am fat because of my emotions (how I handle my emotions)

Specifically the way I have dealt with them for 37 years of my life. I have talked a little before that I recognized that I use food as a coping mechanism. I have been aware of that or a long time. What has become clearer during the FAT Project is that I also use food as an emotional regulator and I’ve had the realization on how tightly food and feelings are wrapped up together like stuffed chicken breast.

I can’t unpack it very well.  Any hint of trouble on the horizon emotionally or stresses from every day life and I reach for food. This is also less a quality issue and more a quantity of the food.  When my stomach fills, I feel like it gives me the power to take on whatever is the matter.

This is the kind of thing that can’t change overnight.  It is why this is a three year journey just for the first phase of weightloss and activity.  This will be my hardest life battle and it will never be over (wow that is exhausting to think about!!).