Emotions and Weightloss Sometimes you just got to let it all out

I don’t ever remember having felt so intensely emotional on a constant basis. I go from very low lows to uber highs in terms of my outlook and feelings.  This can occur in single day or even a few hours.

I am finding it not only distracting and irritating but sometimes detrimental to my daily activities.  Tonight I just had to shut down so I sent the girls upstairs to watch TV for a while.  The emotional intensity of looking after the kids for the day, magnified what I was feeling – depressed.

Is this shedding of weight affecting my emotional state?  Yes, I am sure it is. I am also partway in not using food as a coping mechanism.  And I don’t really have another vice feeling the void (not that I want one.)

There are just times like tonight when I fake a smile and a good attitude and struggle through dark clouds in my mind. I haven’t penned a poem since Grade 12 IB english with Mr. McKenna – here goes…

 

Ripping at my decency, my humanity
Taking me away from what I value, what I love
I hate it, I hate myself for feeling this way

 

Pure sadness inhabits my being
The good slides away into the margins
I cope with platitudes and false smiles

 

Feeling flawed like the bruised banana
But I can’t peel it to see underneath
There is too much in the way

 

I’ll do a little segue from poetry into a gratitude list, I just need to do something…

  • a partner who loves me – even through all this crap
  • three amazing daughters, who are delightfully themselves
  • work that challenges me, and lets me create the change that I so desperately want to make
  • friends and colleagues who have patience with my moods, eccentricities and other childish behaviour

Have a great day and feel better about yourself, you deserve it.

2 Comments

  1. Not sure if the Facebook comment will be noticed. So here goes again…. Do you know that smiling at yourself in the mirror works to elevate mood. Here’s a reference (the librarian in me!). http://www.forbes.com/sites/rogerdooley/2013/02/26/fake-smile/#3e30d58b334c

  2. Hi Paul,

    Sending good thoughts your way. Good for you for acknowledging your feelings as you adjust to coping in different ways. Best to you and your family. 🙂

    – Cheryl

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