Dinner on a bad day of eating

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This is the third in a series of posts about a stereotypical day of not eating well.  You can check out Lunch and Breakfast as well.

I normally get home from work around 6 pm and Christine would typically have made dinner for the family to be served sometime between 6-6:30 pm (or we would order takeout or go to a restaurant) There were days when I would get very hungry around 4 – 5pm and feel a very hard to resist push to eat.  My typical choice would be 7-11 and I would get the following items on a typical visit:

Nachos and Cheese (800 Calories as I added a lot of extra cheese)

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3 Taquitos (180 – 280 calories each)

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1L Chocolate Milk ( 640 calories)

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1 donut (160 calories)

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I would then eat a regular dinner that Christine would make, let’s low ball and say 1000 calories(the instagram feed has lots of dinners that were typical, but I would eat a lot of even healthy food).

I would eat dinner even if I wasn’t hungry – which if I ate at 4 or 5 pm I certainly wasn’t. The reason for this is the shame I felt about it and I did not want to share that I had just eaten a bunch of food after she put in the effort to make a nice meal – so I would eat a meal after having just eaten one.

We then add in something that I would do on regular basis – eat a whole pint of Ben and Jerry’s – About 1000 additional calories.

So for a evening I would have consumed:

800 Calories
690 Calories
640 Calories
160 Calories
1000 Calories
1000 Calories

Total: 4290 Calories

Add in Breakfast and lunch and for a definitely non-typical and a very bad day of eating we get at total of

2550 Calories Lunch
1530 Calories Breakfast

8370 Calories

Apparently I have something in common with Bradley Cooper!

I don’t think I ever ate exactly like this on a day.  But I highlight this to talk about that addict word in the FAT Project.  These foods, eaten in in this manner had a lot of control over me, to the point that they were extremely hard to resist.  They are still difficult to resist but I have the Project and right now it is my best motivation and ally in resisting things like these foods.  I hope this illustrates the complexity of these wayward days…there have been many instances during the FAT Project where they seemed perversely appealing.

The Chiropractor

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Two weeks ago, after an hour long indoor walk in my dress shoes with a board member, my left leg started to ache.  Two painful weeks later it turns out I have sciatica pain probably coming from my back.  (Sciatica)

I am rather broken. 🙂 I have had frozen shoulders, lots of back issues, knee issues and lots of achiness (seeing if egg avoidance helps that)

Before Christmas, I had an email from Dr. Shareen Kangarloo from Complete Chiropractic and Sports Therapy.  She had heard about the FAT Project and wanted to do something to assist.  We met and yesterday was my first visit.  I am totally impressed by their attitude and service so if you are looking for support, I would recommend.  We will be bringing in RoadWest pictures to shoot a full session too!

I received acupuncture and even have tape on my back for a few days, I am back on Monday to try to keep tacking this sciatica symptom.  Thankfully it is only sitting down that really hurts – walking and standing are just fine.

CCST Video

 

Popcorn Problem

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In the past week I have had popcorn 5 times. This was too many.

My wife Christine took a very well deserved break and headed for week off in the sun with a good friend. That had me and our three daughters(Ages 6,4 and 2) together for 8 full days of daddy/daughter time.  We really did have a great time with lots of activities.

I took time off from regular hours at work but I had a number of big meetings I needed to be at. So we had help from friends and some babysitting. Needless to say the week was crazy busy!  I worked more than 35 hours (usually at night after the girls went to bed) and actually had a pretty productive week.

In terms of coping with all of this busy-ness I turned to food a few times, primarily popcorn.  Filling my stomach with it after a long day of caring for the girls and working was easy and quite fulfilling.  Now popcorn is overall not a bad choice but I would add butter, salt and some parmesan flakes – which is super delicious btw.  So we are probably looking at 400-600 calories at least when I did this.

I haven’t gained any weight mind you but I have also been pretty static all week.

While I was eating it and usually before I even made it I had the realization that I was doing to ‘medicate’ myself.  To soothe the stress of the day.  Often I am able to work through these feelings and choose tea or water instead.  But there are times when this resistance feels to hard to muster.  This is one of the reasons I am writing about it – by making public it will be easier to make the choice to eat popcorn when I am hungry and really want popcorn as opposed to when I just want a full belly to make me feel better emotionally.

Thanks for listening. 🙂

 

 

 

Emotions and Weightloss Sometimes you just got to let it all out

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I don’t ever remember having felt so intensely emotional on a constant basis. I go from very low lows to uber highs in terms of my outlook and feelings.  This can occur in single day or even a few hours.

I am finding it not only distracting and irritating but sometimes detrimental to my daily activities.  Tonight I just had to shut down so I sent the girls upstairs to watch TV for a while.  The emotional intensity of looking after the kids for the day, magnified what I was feeling – depressed.

Is this shedding of weight affecting my emotional state?  Yes, I am sure it is. I am also partway in not using food as a coping mechanism.  And I don’t really have another vice feeling the void (not that I want one.)

There are just times like tonight when I fake a smile and a good attitude and struggle through dark clouds in my mind. I haven’t penned a poem since Grade 12 IB english with Mr. McKenna – here goes…

 

Ripping at my decency, my humanity
Taking me away from what I value, what I love
I hate it, I hate myself for feeling this way

 

Pure sadness inhabits my being
The good slides away into the margins
I cope with platitudes and false smiles

 

Feeling flawed like the bruised banana
But I can’t peel it to see underneath
There is too much in the way

 

I’ll do a little segue from poetry into a gratitude list, I just need to do something…

  • a partner who loves me – even through all this crap
  • three amazing daughters, who are delightfully themselves
  • work that challenges me, and lets me create the change that I so desperately want to make
  • friends and colleagues who have patience with my moods, eccentricities and other childish behaviour

Have a great day and feel better about yourself, you deserve it.