I had some pretty strong cravings today. I lusted after a large pizza dripping with cheese and fresh out of the oven nachos. It is even continuing right now as I write this at 9:30 pm at night. Don’t worry, I am going to be okay. In fact I am a little relieved as this has been a bit too easy for the past 2 weeks.
My wife and I were trying to figure out why I was having these strong cravings today. She reminded me that we slept away from home last night and our regular meal pattern of the past two week was disrupted. Two of our kids are also sick and I may be coming down with it. Most likely these are the correct assumptions, but I couldn’t help but feel that it is all over; that I should just stop the Project, eat the pizza AND the nachos and say #@$% it.
THIS OF COURSE IS UTTERLY RIDICULOUS SELF-DEFEATING HOGWASH…but it is real hogwash and I need to acknowledge it, own it and then flush it away.
It is not all over, I am two weeks in and had my first day that I wasn’t feeling 100% into The FAT Project. By the time the FAT Project comes to an end, more than 1000 days from now, I will have had hundreds of cravings and maybe even times where I ache for the days of the food free-for-alls.
The whole purpose of doing the FAT Project so publicly is to help me understand what is going on inside me so I can grow away from the self-defeating behaviours. In order for me to heal my morbid obesity forever, I need to accept and work through these completely normal cravings. It is okay. It is normal. Even if I had acted on them it would be okay.
So what if I had snuck out and ate a large pizza? (It’s been done before…) The first thing I would do is take a picture of the pizza for Instagram – no really I would (there would need to be some explanation for not losing weight). My likely target would be a large Hot-N-Ready pepperoni pizza from the Little Caesars drive-thru near our house, coming in at a robust 2240 calories. If I had already eaten my alloted calories for the day at just under 2100, that pizza would represent one extra day of food. Those extra calories would help me feel bloated and uncomfortable – I already feel like my stomach is expecting less food, like it has shrunk and I would likely spend some time beating myself up for overeating. At the same time, I know that roughly 3500 calories equals 1 lb. The calories in the pizza would equal 2/3 lb. and in the grand scheme of things, means that while not good, its also NOT A BIG DEAL. Move on…..
I am using this space to write about my struggles so that I may truly understand my problems, my obsessions and my issues with food. Putting my thoughts and feelings into words here will hopefully help when difficulty strikes and I feel like quitting.
Some inspiration to end today with the man behind ObesetoBeast:
What I ate today:
- Quinoa with Veggies – 150 cal
- Cottage Cheese – 150 cal
- Black Coffee – o cal
- Cinnamon Raisin Bagel 220 Cal
- Cream Cheese and Peanut Butter 75 Cal
- Cajun Chicken Caesar Wrap 420 Cal
- House Salad 150 Cal
- Latte 130 Cal
- Coffee with 2 cream 60 Cal
- Celery 5 Cal
- Subway Club with light mayo and cheese – 760 Cal
- Nestea zero – 0 Cal
- 2120 Cal