I was hyper vigilant the first year about posting everything I ate. This helped me publicly deal with everything involved in the Project. I then moved into a phase where if I ate something that was not super healthy I would delay posting it and sometimes that would go on for two weeks.
Curiously I kept and keep taking photos of 99.5% of everything I eat. It is a check on myself and provides me some reflective time to decide whether I truly should eat it!
This gallery is of food I never posted on Instagram. I want it preserved as part of the project and off my phone!!
Specifically the way I have dealt with them for 37 years of my life. I have talked a little before that I recognized that I use food as a coping mechanism. I have been aware of that or a long time. What has become clearer during the FAT Project is that I also use food as an emotional regulator and I’ve had the realization on how tightly food and feelings are wrapped up together like stuffed chicken breast.
I can’t unpack it very well. Any hint of trouble on the horizon emotionally or stresses from every day life and I reach for food. This is also less a quality issue and more a quantity of the food. When my stomach fills, I feel like it gives me the power to take on whatever is the matter.
This is the kind of thing that can’t change overnight. It is why this is a three year journey just for the first phase of weightloss and activity. This will be my hardest life battle and it will never be over (wow that is exhausting to think about!!).
That is what I wanted to write. I am a very low point emotionally( I have been for at least two weeks) and with my mood. I feel like I just want to retreat into a a little hole and not let in the outside world.
Typically I am that guy who is universally jovial and excited. I often sing at work and like to bring my enthusiasm to bear in every endeavour in which I participate. That hasn’t been the case lately, though I thought I was getting out of it yesterday after some good conversations. I was singing, not feeling morose
I have wondered if I should share this so publicly. Does it damage me professionally in some way? But I conclude that if it does, these are not people I want to work with. My FAT Project journey is about so much more than weight. It is about healing what has caused my obesity and let it continue. And I believe the main cause is how I handle emotional turmoil, situations and challenges. For years it was so easy to eat problems away, to use food to cope. But now, I need to handle things more thoroughly and deeper. There are always stressful situations.
Thankfully eating is going well as is activity; I walked for over an hour this morning.